10 Ways of Fighting a Nigerian Zombie Apocalypse.
By Ope Kufoniyi
There is what is known as a Zombie craze going around the world. So many people believe that it's no longer a matter of "if" but "when" a zombie apocalypse will happen.
Just incase it does happen, here are a few rules that I think will help you live a little longer when it occurs.
(1) Except you absolutely must, Do NOT use A GUN!
Now i know that sounds very unintuitive, but think about all the rabid good hungry zombies looking for a decent meal, the gunshot will surely alert them about the location of this said meal.
(2) Keep a small group of people; as few people make less noise than more people.
(3) If you get lucky enough to find a resemblance of a shelter, always get ready to move.
(4) The Zombies are not your only enemies, there are living zombies with intelligence and a normal gait, someother ppl just call then Humans.
(5) When raiding a store, grab the medicines, the non-perishable foods, and basically anything that can bash a skull in; do not grab the shiny video game in that section, I repeat do not grab the shiny video game in that corner.
(noise trouble)
(6) When leaving a shelter on runs (going out to get resources), take your quickest and wittiest member, as the saying goes "a group is only as fast as its slowest member"
(7) The greatest risks, usually carry the greatest rewards; try to find a way to mask your presence, so zombies cant tell you're among them. This will definitely save you if a horde falls on you.
(8) Flee densely populated areas. I'd say move from Lagos to Kogi.
(9) An island is your best shot at isolation, for zombies cant control ships, and will often swell up when they absorb seawater, trust us.....we have evidence.
(10) Resist the urge to find the nearest KFC/Tantalizers, many other pre-zombies have thought of it too, you will surely end up being meat.
So if you know others that were not featured in Zombieland... do tell us, and we'd feature you on an update.
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